Relational Questions: Building your relational narrative

Relational questions to consider asking yourself in therapy, with close people in your life and in your own internal processes:

*How am I affected today by the way I experienced my family relationships as a child?

*Are the voices of my family still wielding an influence in how I am in relationships today?

*What are my deepest and most painful relational wounds that need to be talked about?

*What needs am I trying to have met in my adult relationships that are actually older, unmet needs from childhood?

*What is it that allows me to feel safe in relationships? Can I be myself with the people I’m closest to?

*How do I go about getting my needs met? Do I do it in ways that hurt others or myself?

*Are there ways in which I silence myself in relationships or make myself ‘small’ and agreeable just to keep the peace with others? Do I do that to avoid rejection and shame?

*Why does a familiar pattern keep appearing in my adult relationships? What ‘scenes’ keep playing out with people in my life?

*What feedback do I get from people who I am in relationships with? Can I have honest conversations with others about my impact on them and theirs on me?

*How do I deal with relational conflict and ruptures? Do these tend to get repaired properly in my relationships?

*What common assumptions do I make in my relationships that seem to cause problems for me or close me off to other possibilities?

*Am I emotionally reactive and defensive? Do I project things on to others too easily?

*Do I feel really connected in my relationships, or do I keep myself out of connection? Why do I do that?

*Do I feel lonely and isolated – even with people around me in my life?

*If I want to open myself up to connection, what kind of vulnerability would I expose myself to and what pain am I afraid of?

*How might I improve communication with others? What can I do differently?

*What am I hopeful for in my relationships – with others and with myself?

*How am I affected today by my wider social environment and people I encounter in the world around me?